Saturday, October 24, 2009
Self Portrait at 19 with brushes
Painting 40 x 30 inches, oil on canvas
My son helped me uncrate a bunch of paintings that had been stored since the 1980's! Among them I found this self portrait that brought me back to the time I first lived on my own. I was so lonely. Must have cried everyday for three months! I was so full of doubt. In the process of painting this, I tried to destroy it half way through by brushing another color over the face. Yet I remember the next day I saw myself still peering though... so I saved it. After this piece I cheered up and felt much stronger. It is a time capsule for me now- and brings to the front memories parallel to what my son is going through living on his own for the first time too!
Also I collected a smattering of self portrait canvasses made over the years, at 19, 24, 29, and 31years of age and in the pile of them is a clue to something that can give me strength. I am taking risks to live a full life the way I want and the pain and doubt great me as daily warriors outside the door. These paintings show me at each stage of this journey.
Just so I don't come off completely weird- we also found in the crate a self portrait by my best friend friend Krisse, done in prisma color pencil. Both of us self- searching. We were like spirits.