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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Signs of a silver lining

Having spent a lot of time recently on the road and, (not at the same time) on the computer, I have come to conclude that, as the experts say, the signs are clear. Amid all this inner and outer turmoil there is a silver lining. I can be grateful for my grief. A friend, Sarah Bowie has just added a "grateful for" and a "grieving for" section on her blog. Its brought about a whole new picture for me of who we struggle to be...the questions of gratitude for the minute thing or grief despite the blessing thing. Make a list and see what is shallow and what is deep. Even I can see myself in a new light. I am probably not done grieving the great things of my past, but the road today (thank God) moves forward and there is a new landscape to explore. Long roads, new landscapes, enticing doors, lost luggage... it's all about me! Divorce document#30

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Door as metaphor

Choices must be made even though I am ambivalent today whether... to keep walking past or go through with this emotional paperwork. Some things require thoughtful decisions. Some things require impulsive faith. So often I want to escape to a cottage at the sea, or believe in a Tuscan ruin to reaffirm my life purpose. But I stay in my home town, at my desk, at the phone, at the easel and I listen to my children, my lawyer, my friends, and my heart. Divorce document #29

Monday, June 28, 2010

Divorce Club

I don't necessarily want to be a part of it, but I am. It's mind boggling how many members there are. It's something I never thought about before. And it's a membership I would never urge or advise on anyone. There are so many brave faces out there that many of us are never aware of the pain... like I am now.
I recently visited an interesting forum for those with partners going through midlife crisis. Reading the expressions of spouses left behind has been enlightening in that I find I am not clearly a victim and have, in reality, often been a perpetrator. I think I was the one with doubts, wondering if I could "fix my life", weighing the difference between loving and being in love...
However you get there, being divorced is a fact that doesn't have to isolate you. I've found myself comforted by the compassion & understanding of the divorce club.

There's a new blog for daily painters of NY

As a subgroup of the www.dailypainters.com, we are forming another blog featuring daily paintings from this region. If you are interested in being a part of it please don't hesitate to contact us. I hope it can serve artists and patrons efficiently while celebrating the incredible, brilliant, awesome talents in this state!
Please visit and see for yourself!
Here: http://dailypaintersofnewyork.blogspot.com/

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Bling bling, divorce document #27


I remember insisting I didn't need a fancy engagement ring and urging him to save his money and get a real simple wedding ring. After all, there were more important goals for us- like building his business, and putting him through school. Now I have come to believe that the engagement ring is actually an investment in the partnership- something he puts on the line. Did this thing go wrong because we had off center priorities (read: all about him)(read: she's a damn enabler!)? About 5 years ago my fingers started swelling in the night and my husband used his paramedic emergency scissors to cut the ring off my finger. The pieces today lay in my jewelry box.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

(Super) Natural Divorce document #26


Here's a little drawing "Perspective". I do sometimes feel as though I am falling off center, to one side or the other. I rest alone, toss about in the past, and leap like a mermaid toward the future. Now that I have made my bed (painting)...I'm awakened to the fact it might be a sexual thing. I am 49. How ironic this life event of mine coincides (maybe) with "men-oh-pause". Can I deny it? Again and again I'm made to rise up and learn something new about myself and what stories I believe in.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Grinding grief vs. good grief


I've felt this way... but in actuality it is a painted myth. I'm feel pretty good today knowing I am moving through the terrain. Both my sons are visiting and I woke early to pick bowls of blackberries for them.Divorce document #24 in a series of individual 5 x 5 inch mixed media paintings with found headlines.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

dangers of attachment


After worrying about the kids, my worst fear has been about losing the house. My attachment to it goes to the ground it sits on (my grandpa's land, my dad's farm,etc...) Much more than the hectic layout of rooms and levels added to the original one room schoolhouse, it's nooks and crannies contain the history of my last 25 years. I've come to know it much better this year, and recently I've been focused on major work in both the attic and the basement. Financially I have an art (read:unsteady) income so the plan I have to keep the house against all odds has to be a measured reality check. Perhaps it's unrealistic and isn't meant to be. I have faith the right solution will present itself.
Divorce document #23

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

harmful and dangerous


I WONDER IF this work on the divorce isn't excessive. Part of me wants to work through the forty pieces to mirror the forty pages of the original separation agreement... to hang out the dirty laundry so I truly recall where the change happened and why ...

Monday, June 21, 2010

PAINTING Life experiences

that are unpleasant can be challenging when SO much of my soul actually wants to soar above it. I am aware of my family history, with all the fractured branches on the tree... and ALSO the blessings of my father and stepmother, and even my sister, right next door, my son visiting for a few weeks, my friends who seem available for meals and celebrations, my work everyday moving paint... Yesterday while sitting with my chickens and watching a daredevil chipmunk play with them, I completed a painted Cadillac hubcap for landfillart.org show. I used the road around the corner and, as usual, the existential question: "why?"

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Parents

Are the kids falling through the cracks?
Divorce document #20

Saturday, June 19, 2010

New territory

Profoundly lost in the lack of motion, the debilitating threats, and the document limbo. My lawyer advises me not to communicate directly anymore. How strange is this? Has he seen my blog? I have to trust that even when things do not go my way, things are still OK. I may feel in a strange land, but it's most curiously where I belong. Right now. Divorce document #19
reserved

Friday, June 18, 2010

Wedding anniversary

The weekend marked our twenty fourth year. Not divorced yet. He's got stones and I've got miles.
Divorce document #18

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Lost Baggage

Divorce document #17
The red Tumi holds particular significance to me and my sisters, since we all have them... we are in the "Tumi Club"... and the sight of them means the brink of adventure. So when my bag was temporarily lost I had to try hard in mind to believe there must be another way of looking at things. I had to "re-frame" my connection to the suitcase. I have dreams about luggage. Some of it is meant to be lost. The world will not end if I lose my bags. In fact, I may have freed myself up to grasp something new.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Promises

SOLD
As I've been traveling, meditating, and spinning the yarn, I've processed the idea that 40 pages of divorce document equals a change in life, a change in attitude, a change in everything. Forty is a spiritual number. So I am continuing the divorce document series until I make 40 paintings... here is #16.
Acrylic and collage on foam core- 5 x 5 inches... In addition to fresh flowers, the divorce documents, and a snail, I've painted the woven purse and espadrilles I purchase from markets in Rousillon and Apt.
I came back so much happier and empowered that I hope this is what marks the next stage of my life.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dreaming of a penthouse in Paris

Thanks to my aunt Eva and uncle Michel it came true!

Monday, June 14, 2010

In the Park

Sketching in the Jardin des Tuileries. The park is situated perfectly between the Louvre and the Orangerie (home of Monet's waterlilies) and the name comes from the fact it used to be a quarry for clay to make the city tiles (Tiles= Tuilerie). It's a great place to hang out and catch some rays, some people watching, and some historic snoozing.

The Mona Lisa

I fought crowds up to the corded ribbon, the guards, and through a sea of cameras I glanced through the reflections on the bullet proof glass to see her. The crowds really were more interesting... I had to wonder and study how people behave in museums... My son became quite surly and overwhelmed... and I may have pushed my art-guide luck when I led him to visit Napoleon III's personal apartments- they were really over the top- BLING!!!!BLING.


Saturday, June 12, 2010

The fireplace and the salon

I think you could cook (God forbid!) a whole four legged animal in this fireplace. The couch is a strange green with a gold bamboo leaf pattern... I did not have the correct pigment but my cousin had in her paint box a small jar of Golden's gold leaf flake gel. Mmmmm. Nice. Looks better in person- the gold is brilliant in truth.
4 x 6 mixed media on paper

Thursday, June 10, 2010

MOVING inside

It was almost impossible to capture the grandeur. There was art and music everywhere. My uncle Laurent Davidson has his mobiles hung in almost every room and above the stairs! Sculptures and paintings by great grandfather Jo Davidson are everywhere as well.
This 4 x 6 watercolor and ink on paper is by Tilly.
Inspiration is courtesy of the Chateau de Maumont

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ah! The challeneges of Plein air painting with my french family







Once I got the full tour of the grounds of the Chateau de Maumont, I had to return to the small 16th century (or older?) chapel tower and get myself situated. My tour guides, the children, saw it as an inspiring opportunity as well and so... wanted to join in. Little Daphne is quiet a good painter. I loved watching her put in details as she created a painting of her home. Tess also did several paintings- she emphasized the door bell which I had completely left out, and Hector... well, when he wasn't terrifying me on the crumbling steps, he just wanted me to draw tractors in my sketchbook.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

And then the chateau Maumont!!!!



This was like moving through a dream... feeling like a princess in the french countryside.
There isn't a more beautiful spot to relax, and feel pampered. You dream along the shores of the Touvre river... I painted and drew all day... 4 x 6 postcard size pictures. Magnac sur Touvre. There is even a unique and fabulous museum of cartoons in the nearby city of Angouleme. Perfect for the young at art.
My cousin's bed and breakfast- Chateau de Maumont

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

For the moment


watercolor and ink are the major means of gathering my thoughts and finding color in the shadows. There are challenges to any trip... from language barriers, signs to be deciphered, suitcases to balance, daily menus to embrace, histories to comprehend, and personal space to be relented. Max asks me what I like about travel and I have to say it makes me feel more comfortabe in my skin- I see variety in the flora and fauna and an incredible array of fashion and mannerisms of the humans... and it makes "exception the rule". So I can be who I am without fear of being outcast. By the very nature of being outside your home zone you are "outcast" and, with that, comes a freedom to be yourself.
Also- I have moments where I can just sit still, or lay in a hammock and that never happens when I am home.