The truth and the dream are in separate pictures

I am grateful (really!) for the truth of the situation and I attempt to not hate myself for  dreaming of what should have been and

 how I never got it.

Perhaps I am suffering from PHS. Post holiday stress? Holidays are times were we seem to run ragged on obligations and inevitably I focus on the shortcomings of my reality. Everyone else seems to have it down- seems to do it effortlessly, seems to have the happy family unit in place. I have found myself on the short side of the ideal, if it is measured in picture perfect cut-out family. Too much time has been spent on lighting the candles and setting the table and waiting for love to show up. 

And it is always late, slightly incoherent, and imperfect when it does.

In painting these paintings I realize how frail and flat the ideal is, and...just how rich my nest actually is! My life is full of good questions, helpmates, positive energies, bright lights,

 and nurturing food. 

FYI: Painting helps me get over mood swings.

I painted 126 works this year, oversaw two school murals, collaborated on three school theater sets and 22 sculptural valentines. I also participated in 4 exhibitions from Miami FL to Easthampton MA to Pawling NY. All the while working a full time job. Until I did the inventory yesterday I thought I had done nothing! 

Before I quit blogging for the Muse- I want to finish on a positive note.

Showing up here has kept me on track- made me do the work, and bestowed an abundant reward for which I am barely deserving. Thanks, all you readers and visitors to the site, for being part of the motivation.

These are paintings # 48 and #49 of my series 

50 ways to find Joy

#48-nest (collection of R. Vogel).

This messy thing called love

There are so many tangents I can go off on about this... Isolating just one strand would unravel the beauty. This painting invites you to dive in deeper and travel the course of love as it slips in and out of focus. I suffer to make sense and I do not do it well.  In spite of regrets, self loathing, and feeling isolated, I know my capacity for gratitude as an exercise pulls together and knits the gifts I am blessed with into a beautiful whole. Amen for that.
#45 in 50 ways to Find Joy series  4 x 5 inches, canvas panel. (collection of B.C. Shafner)

Some call it a wormhole, I call it a telephone

we are all connected...
or disconnected...
it's a holiday story that goes on, generation after generation.
It would bring me great joy to hear from my sons, anytime.
Anytime now.
Anytime?
#44 in series of 50 Ways to find Joy  5 x 4 inches canvas and mixed media

feliz navidad

In the clouds

Miami background is a constant jet plane crossing the sky. This work reveals some of my pre-holiday mood. Too many worries crowd my mind. I anticipate the worst of my character traits surfacing as I play host and the condo fills with kids and animals. I have my ideals and I just need to be reminded to be patient...with myself as well as everyone else. 4 x 5 inch canvas and collage painting.

God help me

 I painted baby Jesus on a coconut.

I was feeling as though I missed my usual painting of the Madonna and child that I would hang over the fireplace. All my holiday ornaments and traditional seasonal decor are in storage up north. These nuts were at rest on a plant stand before I "saw" the images come through. Our patio is decked with beads, lights and coconuts.

The third painted coconut is the "witness". There was always a witness to the paintings of Mary and Jesus- whether it's John the Baptist, Saint Anne, the patron of the church, a host of angels, or ourselves, you and me.

Philosophizing on love and travel

Sometimes even a boatload of love can miss the port, or lack good orderly direction (GOD). I've been there. It is frustrating to not make the connection, or not have the right cargo to satisfy the crew. So many people over the holiday feel outside of the "perfect family" we think exists for others. There is an anxious need to swallow more, shop more, do more, and try to fix it or mask it, or deny it.
Anticipating holiday travel reminds me of a saying my ex-husband drilled into our heads: "pick a vegetable and be it." " Do the vegetable", my children would chant. It meant to leave the animal instincts behind for a moment and flow with the salad. I personally would visualize a broccoli... because even steamed they looked good. My eldest just told me he got by by visualizing a cucumber because it was cool and good even when pickled. The above painting has a tomato, once thought to be poisonous because of it's relationship to the deadly nightshade family. Contrary to superstitions, and family trees, when you take a bite out of a tomato, or my hand, and you won't' get sick.