I am grateful (really!) for the truth of the situation and I attempt to not hate myself for dreaming of what should have been and
how I never got it.
Perhaps I am suffering from PHS. Post holiday stress? Holidays are times were we seem to run ragged on obligations and inevitably I focus on the shortcomings of my reality. Everyone else seems to have it down- seems to do it effortlessly, seems to have the happy family unit in place. I have found myself on the short side of the ideal, if it is measured in picture perfect cut-out family. Too much time has been spent on lighting the candles and setting the table and waiting for love to show up.
And it is always late, slightly incoherent, and imperfect when it does.
In painting these paintings I realize how frail and flat the ideal is, and...just how rich my nest actually is! My life is full of good questions, helpmates, positive energies, bright lights,
and nurturing food.
FYI: Painting helps me get over mood swings.
I painted 126 works this year, oversaw two school murals, collaborated on three school theater sets and 22 sculptural valentines. I also participated in 4 exhibitions from Miami FL to Easthampton MA to Pawling NY. All the while working a full time job. Until I did the inventory yesterday I thought I had done nothing!
Before I quit blogging for the Muse- I want to finish on a positive note.
Showing up here has kept me on track- made me do the work, and bestowed an abundant reward for which I am barely deserving. Thanks, all you readers and visitors to the site, for being part of the motivation.
These are paintings # 48 and #49 of my series
50 ways to find Joy
#48-nest (collection of R. Vogel).
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