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Monday, July 12, 2010

Studio is full and I am empty

The mess keeps expanding out of it's corner... and whispers mean things in my mind. I have started, as of today, to go to work everyday... throwing shoes on and trying not to look at my paintings for fear of losing track of time. Chugging my coffee and racing through the chores. I don't know when I will get any painting done, or why I feel the need to anyway. It's pretty fruitless. My inventory piles up and yet I "don't have a thing" for the Sharon On the Green Festival August 7th. (Am I Imelda Marcos with no shoes to wear?) A job, an art teaching one, pays the bills and reduces financial stress but it also creates these dead zones of commuting time and leaves me empty at the end of the day. Do most people live this way? Passed a sign on the way to work that said, "Don't just mutter, here you can declutter". It was for storage units. Wouldn't that be something perverse... I could just paint all night- (forget sleep)- and fill a storage unit or two. It's a sickness. When I catch myself asking "why" I do it, I have to be realistic and accept that there is no good reason. In my almost 50 years there have been several times I've tried NOT to paint, and it only makes me mad. So the trick is to do it for sanity and leave out the need to cover bills with it, or even the worry about where to store it. It all comes down to TIME. Again. The studio is full, I am empty and there is not enough time.
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