Monday, October 29, 2018

Do you ever ask yourself if you are enough?

I would never ask that of my friends, but even through a morning of deep breathing yoga, and an afternoon prone under lights for a facial, I keep asking myself if I can allow myself to just "be". Should I not be working? Planning? Promoting? Creating? Connecting? Cleaning? Catching up?
Collage portrait in greys
I reach the weekends mostly exhausted from days spent being a teacher engaging high school students, attending meetings, modeling good behavior, planning, planning, planning. Then I try to do the drawings and paintings that allow me to capture what it feels like to be human.
My art practice captures Time for me in a way that affirms my existence. So I do that... But is that enough?
Everything around me, (politics especially), in this city and state, seems to be spiraling into the darkness of economic, spiritual and environmental disaster. Shouldn't I be working harder to save the endangered, to shelter the homeless, to feed the hungry, to inspire the hopeless? I stand in a place of privelege, yet I am haunted by the responsibility to give back and do more.
When I am breathing in the park, or allowing someone to slather ointments on my body, I am guilt ridden because my Time is so limited. I am living longer than the days given to dear friends, and yet what am I doing with those days?
Is it enough to just Be?

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