My uncle passed away 3 weeks shy of a year ago. He knew he
was going to die. The doctors had given him weeks, and not feeling that ill,
(or feeling incredibly stoic), he took his last days getting his financial
affairs and housework together. He changed all the light-bulbs and batteries
and left instructions for my aunt on how to pay the bills.
This year I feel trivial taking an assessment on my life. So
much has happened and been accomplished, yet I still feel at loose ends and
unsure of the next step. I feel as though I would be falsely glorifying my past
decisions if I look so hard, list so adamantly, and project too intently.
The year in retrospect was probably a 9 on a scale out of
10. Looking forward I expect the same, if I work hard and avoid the despair
that comes in those taunting and slicing voices, located in my own head.
I like this image of uncle Pat’s flashlights. He left them
all in a row for my aunt to find as needed. I want to trust that the light will
be there for me, when I need it.
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